chair in the sky

“Everything is amazing and nobody is happy” ~ Louis CK

Heather SkompFavorite Things/Useful Things

Man, I love this video clip. It’s old, but it never gets any less funny.

And as a tribute to all things amazing in the face of so many things shit, I’ve decided to write a post listing things that I am loving right at this moment. They deserve a celebration. However, I reserve the right during the period I am writing this post, to cycle downwards and add a list of things I hate too. One can never predict the future.

1. Fritos – there has not been one moment in time when I have opened a bag of Fritos and it has not been like eating little pieces of heaven, all the way until my heart breaks when I discover the bag is empty. They land on my tongue like slivers of joy, then the salt and oil start melting in my mouth, and then I bite down on their corn crunchy goodness until it’s all gone.  And then I start on another.  And another… and another…

2. Streaming TV – this was such a fantastic invention. While I realize that streaming TV is not a new concept anymore, it deserves a big mention on this list especially as I’ve spent the better part of today indulging in episodes of Cedar Cove. Seven years ago I was so happy to get rid of cable (and who isn’t?) and all those bloody commercials. If I have to see one more bladder control drug commercial I will PUKE. Streaming TV is heaven on earth – I get to watch what I want, when I want, I can stop it and restart it at will, and even begin on one TV and move to another and finish my show on that one. And, I have old TVs! My pride and joy is my 24 year old 19-inch RCA masterpiece.  Still going, just like the Energizer Bunny, and with a few technological additions my streaming TV works beautifully on it (and the three others dotted about the house).  Thank you Roku and Netflix ($8 a month can’t be beat, natch)!

fritos and the six million dollar man

 

3. RF Modulators – I know, this sounds like something out of a Marvin the Martian cartoon, right? However, since I brought up my predilection for old TVs, naturally I have to give a big shout out to the device that makes it possible for all things wonderful to happen on mine: the RF Modulator. This electrical engineering marvel does the simple but magical: connects a digital device to an analog device. More importantly, with no interference whatsoever. Can you say that about anything these days? No. It unreservedly works, and I would venture to say it could be the only piece of electronic equipment on the planet today that operates wholly without difficulty. It allows the wonder of modern Hulu to appear on the wonder of ancient boob tube. Thank you Marvin.

4. Old TV shows – Not long ago I had a blitz watching Magnum PI. I had such a crush on Tom Selleck, and back in the day my parents wouldn’t let me stay up late enough to watch it. HAHAHAHAHAAAA… I’m watching it now, Mom and Dad!! These shows are so much fun, with the shorty shorts and lack of technology we take for granted today. I love watching them dial the rotary phones when they’re in a massive hurry because the dogs are after them. Zzzzip! Clickclickclickclick. Zzzzip! Clickclickclickclick. It takes forever, but just quick enough before they get a giant mandible in the ass.

Now I’m on to the Six Million Dollar Man. Lee Majors was H.O.T.

5. Getting packages in the mail – admit it, we all love this.  And with the joy that is Amazon, especially Amazon Prime with two-day free delivery and cute UPS men, it is so much fun to come home after a teeth-gritting day at work to find a lovely brown box on my doorstep filled with some kind of deliciousness or another.  Books, clothes, toys…  it’s like Christmas every day!  Or, if someone special sends you a gift, well. We all know how gorgeous that can feel.

packages in the mail

6. Hot water bottles – if you’re too young to know the pleasures of a hot water bottle, well, it sucks to be you. Hot water bottles can cure almost all ills. They are on the list because it just so happens I am currently suffering from inexplicable back spasms (thank you step aerobics) that no amount of Aleve (or vodka) could pacify. However, one stint with the hottie and they have been conflagrated into submission. I use mine for nearly any body pain, and it works (like the RF Modulator) without fail. Thank you Eduard Penkala, you Croatian God.

7. Air conditioning – it’s been a thousand degrees outside for close to five months now.  ‘Nuf said.

8. Old school telephones – praise Jebus that one can still get these things.  Check out the beauty I got from sweet Amazon:

I do have the extensible cordless phones since I have internet phone service (thank you Vonage!!) but they cut out on me pretty regularly during the middle of a phone call – they don’t cut off the call, they just go blank and neither party (or sometimes only one party) can hear the other.  No one can figure out why.  I deeply suspect it’s because I’ve had them for ten years and haven’t replaced one battery yet, but I digress.  At any rate, this lovely black stallion with the 100 ft cord solves all my problems. It never cuts out, it’s steadfastly reliable, it’s mighty cool-looking and the call quality is ace. Plus, I enjoy watching my kitten play with the squiggly cord that follows me around the house. Whoo hoo! I love technology!

9. My bed – ahhhhhhhh…. I have a wonderful bed. It sits about forty feet high, and I often do a running leap into it, just because I can. It’s got fifteen tempting inches of memory foam, one – sometimes two – down comforters, 500 thread-count sheets and four of those down pillows you get in hotels (I actually sneaked a peek at the label on the gorgeous pillow my noggin had the pleasure of resting on in a hotel not too long ago, and I found the maker on ye ole internet), so it’s a buffet of sensual delight. In the winter I put a feather bed under the bottom sheet…. it’s miracle I get out of it every morning, I tell ya. There have been times I have seriously considered getting superfat so I can justify never leaving it. I think a great bed is one of the most important purchases a person can make – more important than a house even. Because let’s face it – you can live in a storage unit if you’ve got an amazing bed on which to rest your bones (and – shhhhhh – climb your lover’s tree). Glory be my bed!

big bed

10. Pajamas – well, I am not ashamed to say I am still in my pajamas as we speak. I don’t know who the inventor of pajamas was (probably Mr. Pajama), but for them I am truly grateful. They are comfortable, cozy, sometimes (hopefully more often than not) sexy, and downright awesome. I have flannel ones, lacy ones, shorty ones, nightie ones – I love pajamas like some women like shoes. I would wear them all day if I didn’t fear to be associated with Walmart customers. But, in the privacy of my home, and now on the internet, I can be proud of my penchant for pajamas. Don’t hate me because I’m slothful.

And that’s it for today. Wow! And I didn’t even spiral out!